I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize