Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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