why didn't you poke me back
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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