69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize