11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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