i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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