I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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