I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize