ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize