Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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