We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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