it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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