I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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