I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My penis needs a shock collar
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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