You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
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her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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