i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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