I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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