i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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