so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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