so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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