I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize