It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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