I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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