Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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