we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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