We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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