so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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