I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
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I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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