found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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