Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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