After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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