my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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