i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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