Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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