My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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