Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize