I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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