So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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