Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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