Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
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So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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