Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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