Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize