it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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