I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize