you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize