She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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