I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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