We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize