i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize