I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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